10 Dimensions of a Healthy Marriage

This summer I interned at Child Trends in Washington, DC. One of the projects I spent some time working on involved testing Child Trends' previously conceptualized definition for a healthy marriage. These are the ten dimensions they identified:

1. Commitment

2. Satisfaction

3. Communication

4. Effective Conflict Resolution

5. Lack of Violence and Abuse

6. Fidelity or Faithfulness

7. Intimacy and Emotional Support

8. Friendship and Spending Time Together

9. Commitment to Children

10. Duration and Legal Status

What do you think?

Minnesota Nice

Apparently "Minnesota Nice" is real. Today one of my co-workers (from Wisconsin and alum of the University of Minnesota) said she could tell I'm from Minnesota because I'm so nice. Better to be nice than mean, I say.

Not everyone in the United States agrees with me. Not even the cashier at CVS Pharmacy who told me to "read the sign" yesterday when I asked if what I was purchasing rang up as the correct price (and then said, "I was right," when he showed me the sign). Nor the waiter in New York who told me that my method of payment was annoying. Nor the doctor's office receptionist who had a completely flat facial expression and didn't even try to make nice conversation with me...

I admit it, I have unrealistically high expectations. And it probably isn't healthy that internally I feel upset when strangers aren't nice to me (I even talk about it later with an incredulous tone - Can you BELIEVE what he said to me?!?).

However, I am slowly coming to grips with the "real world." Every day I learn how to be kind to those who are unkind and to forgive even strangers who I will never see again. Without the discomfort I have felt here on the east coast, I likely would never have learned these lessons.

But I still like Minnesota nice. :)

Positive Outcomes

Last month, I helped my supervisor create a PowerPoint presentation to be delivered at a UNICEF conference in Paris. Unfortunately she was hit by a car while she was on her bicycle shortly before the trip and wasn't able to deliver it, but another employee at Child Trends did and I think the topic of the presentation has remarkable application in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

For the past several years, my supervisor has been involved in a push for the development of positive indicators in the Child Development research community. Click here to see a copy of the presentation she gave to BYU students when she spoke as a guest lecturer there in 2007.

Part of the argument for positive indicators is that "problem free is not fully prepared." In other words, we can work to get rid of adolescent drug use, but that is not the same as having a community full of healthy teenagers who are living good lives. As a society, after we encourage children to avoid bad things, we must also suggest and encourage good activities to fill that empty time. This is difficult for several reasons that are outlined in her slides, including the lack of consensus on positive indicators, but I believe it is an ideal to be worked toward.

That is part of why I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am reminded of things to avoid in my life because they will bring unhappiness. But there is no void because through the encouragement to seek to fill my life with good and uplifting things, I am able to find fulfillment (Articles of Faith 1:13). To me, this seeking after good is what truly makes a great society.

It's all in the Trends, my friends

This is old news for most of you, but early last month I was hired at an intern with Child Trends in Washington, D.C. from April until August. Yay! Child Trends is the foremost research organization for children and families in the nation. They're nonprofit and nonpartisan (right up my alley) and they are the major source of data for Congress on children and families. Even better, my supervisor is one of the most well-respected researchers in the family sciences. Yay again!

So that means instead of bumming around Provo for the summer (which I have loved for the past two years - see picture on the left), I will be living in downtown D.C., working on research 32 hours a week, and traveling up and down the east coast on weekends (visiting fancy schmancy law schools and such). According to my supervisor and former interns, I will be involved all along the research process from literature reviews to survey creation to data collection and analysis. At times, I'll sit in on briefings at the Capitol and report back to the Child Trends staff on the development of legislation that affects children and families. I probably will even be able to complete my Honors Thesis.

This internship has worked together so perfectly, in a way I never could have planned. It reminds me of what President Ezra Taft Benson said:

"...Men and women who turn their lives over to God will find out that he can make a lot more out of their lives than they can. He will deepen their joys, expand their vision, quicken their minds, strengthen their muscles, lift their spirits, multiply their blessings, increase their opportunities, comfort their souls, raise up friends, and pour out peace. Whoever will lose [her] life to God will find [she] has eternal life (Jesus Christ - Gifts and Expectations, Ensign, May 1975)."

As I have striven to follow his counsel, I have found amazing opportunities, unplanned and perfectly suited for my gifts and strengths, come my way. I'm not exactly sure what the future holds for me (I don't even know where I'll be in September), but I have the assurance that if I live correctly, it will be better than I ever could have planned.

The gospel gives me great perspective in my field of study. Not only do I, as a Latter-day Saint, have The Family: A Proclamation to the World to guide my interactions with my family and my study of families, I also have the scriptures and modern-day revelation. The Doctrine and Covenants teaches us that families can be forever (D&C 132:19-24). We know that our relationships with those we love will be similar, except we will enjoy even greater glory than we do now (D&C 130:2). The Lord also tells us that parents are to teach their children the gospel (D&C 68:25-28) and bring them up "in light and truth (D&C 93:40)." We are also given a pattern and accompanying blessings for how to interact with our family and others (D&C 121:41-16).

I recognize that most of the families I research and interact with will not share all of the same views on the family with me. But, I am blessed to know of the divine and eternal potential that all families have.