Mormonism and the Mind, Part 2: Resolving the Paradox

“The true intellectual is one whose intellect is sufficiently developed that he recognizes not only the great potential, but also the limitations of his intellectual capacity.” These words, spoken by Rex E. Lee to law students at BYU, continually have a significant impact on my approach to learning.

In a chapter titled “Two Cheers for Excellence” in The Broken Heart, Bruce C. Hafen deals with the seeming preclusions of seeking after excellence and striving to be a devoted (and non-competitive) disciple of Jesus Christ. In it he mentions that many would rather be a leader in Hell than a door-keeper in Heaven. I want to be a good student, an excellent student really. However, it is difficult for me to view the possibilities of what I can do without becoming conceited.

I can identify two main symptoms of intellectual pride. The first is an inability to relate to those who are “normal” because of the belief that one is more intelligent and therefore better than others. This can be seen when people intentionally discuss esoteric intellectual topics around those they know will not understand their conversation. The second is closely related. It can happen even with those who are not trying to portray an elite class and consists of excessive trust in oneself. Those who exhibit this symptom seldom believe they are wrong or that they need to change. Both of these symptoms are felt to varying degrees internally and externally by those who have them.

It pains me that I experience both of these symptoms (as I perceive, mostly internally). My parents have tried to help me to be humble since I was young, but the accolades of the world often overshadow any sense I have of meekness. One daunting fear still looms in my life, the fear that I will “get rich…forget God and his people…and kick myself out of the Church.” Not because I in any way desire this, but because I have not truly overcome my pride and I am still not sure how to.

John Tanner advised some fellow scholarship recipients and me that it is better to be good than to be great. He developed the thought further by saying that it is better to be a good person than to pile up distinctions and worldly accomplishments.

So I work everyday to overcome myself. I want to be great, but I also want to be good for something. Though I’m not sure how, I know that as I desire to have my heart changed, study the life and teachings of Christ and commit myself to serving those who have nothing to give me, the change will come.