Waiting in a Supermarket Line: Lessons on Leadership

Last week I was in the mood for asparagus pizza (thanks, Lynne!) and decided to stop by Safeway on my way home from a long day of work to pick up some mozzarella cheese, the only ingredient I was missing.

It was right after work so all of the lines were long as people stopped by the store on their way home from work. I was the fourth person in my line. Everything seemed fine until the woman who was ringing up her groceries got to paying for them. She started complaining to prove a point to her son:

• The cashier had charged her 98 cents a pound for something that was supposed to be 95 cents
• The price of an item was not what she had expected. Wasn't it on sale?
• How could that possibly not be included on her stamps?
• She couldn't find her cash
• She wanted paper and not plastic bags
• How much of a gas bonus was she going to receive? (Cashier: You can see that on the receipt. Woman: I want you to show it to me on the receipt right now.)
• Etc.

As the woman continued on (and on and on and on), I maintained a calm facade and keep trying to assure myself that this was not much of an inconvenience and in the long run of my day, this would be only a few minutes of delay. However, on the inside there was a festering annoyance with the woman, yes, but almost more with the cashier than anyone else.

My thoughts over the ten minutes went something like this: Why was he letting her continue on like this? Can't he he can see that the store is crowded, the line is long, and we have been waiting for here for ten minutes? Why doesn't he call the manager to come deal with her? I know that he is being patient with her, but he is being too patient. She is clearly taking advantage of him. He is being too nice, too calm. He needs to speak to her in a firm voice and get this situation under control. He is clearly new. Would someone say something to her? How did I get stuck in this guy's line?

My friendly neighborhood Safeway

These thoughts were probably overly-dramatic for the situation, but they did teach me something important. My last thought was: Wow. Now I understand what my students want in a leader and in a teacher.

I didn't want the cashier to disrespect the woman, but I certainly wanted him to rein her in. I realized that after working in an urban environment I had started to have a different outlook on patience and kindness. I have realized that sometimes the truly loving thing to do is to speak to someone directly and not allow them to walk all over you. When you are responsible for a group of people (children in my case) you must not allow the whims of one person ruin the experience of the rest.

It took an experience like this for me to actually empathize with my students. For me to feel what it is that they want and need.

That is what my students had wanted all along. They want to learn and they want to be protected from those who selfishly take advantage of the kindness others and disrupt the learning environment.

My students want a strong leader who is willing to take charge and get things done. They may protest like all children do, but they really like to be told what to do and they like to receive consequences, good and bad, for their actions.

And they don't want to hear in a soft tone: "Could you please sit down?" They want: "Sit down, get your paper and a pencil out and begin working on the activity. Now."

They want someone who loves them enough to set a clear boundary. They want someone who loves them enough that they will not allow failure or disrespect or laziness even be an option.

I am certain that this was a learning experience provided by a loving Heavenly Farther who knew that Ms. K was looking for ways to better understand her students and how to serve them.