Joy

Today I sat in the car crying with my forehead buried in the steering wheel. I had just read a text message about my grandmother's rapidly declining health.

Despite having a deep belief in eternal families and knowing that I will see her again, I am still sad to lose my grandmother and sad to hear of all the pain she is experiencing.

As I was crying I realized that my grandmother left me a wonderful gift--The Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had just left the temple where the older sisters there had built me up, given me tips about how to make Hawaiian haystacks for a ward activity, shared how they overcame the grief of losing spouses, and invited me to dine in their homes.These sisters will never replace my grandmother, but in a way act as surrogate grandmothers and examples for me.

Thank you, grandma, for passing on your love for Jesus Christ and those around you. Thank you for showing me how to be strong when things are difficult. Thank you for believing in me.

Thank you for teaching me what it means to be a Joy.

{For an inspiring, hopeful treatment of death, please read this talk titled "He is Risen!" by President Thomas S. Monson.}

Book Review: The Power of Everyday Missionaries

The Power of Everyday Missionaries is the latest book by Mormon author, businessman, and professor, Clayton Christensen. I read it as part of a book club over a period of three months. In it, Christensen discusses various ways Latter-day Saints can share the gospel with those around them.

Favorite Parts:

• Inspiring true stories. In this book, Christensen shares many true and recent stories about members sharing the gospel. He shares success stories and stories where the success is not immediately evident (I say this because we may not always know the long-term effects of our efforts). I loved that so many of the stories were from his own life. As I read them, I felt like if he had personally experienced so many of those things, the expectation to share my beliefs was something attainable for me.
• Practical, everyday tips. So many of the tips that Christensen offers involve only minor lifestyle changes. If we can make these adjustments (that feel so attainable) we can open the door to greater possibilities for missionary work.
• A good review of the doctrine. Christensen addresses some important points of doctrine and reminds us about the foundations of conversion.
• No excuses given. Christensen does not make excuses for our feears or apprehensions about sharing the gospel. 
• Encouragement to be innovative. We are encouraged to come up with solutions that match the needs of the area where we live. We are reminded of revelation and the fact that we are stewards over our own lives (and for church leaders, our own areas) and can be guided to help people come unto Christ in new and innovative ways. 

Who this book is for:
This book is for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who have testimonies of Christ and want to share it with others. It would be good for returned-missionaries and those who have not served a mission. I especially recommend it for those who have a strong desire to be better missionaries but are scared to share their beliefs or are stuck on trying to figure out more ideas about how to be member missionaries.

Excerpts:
After sharing several examples of church units that were able to build a successful missionary program, Christensen writes:

"Each of these members and leaders were entrepreneurs in Zion. They rightly assumed that the power was in their hands to bring to pass much righteousness... The programs of the Church are designed to leave room for a great deal of individual initiative and personal guidance."

To learn more about the book, please visit the website www.everydaymissionaries.org

Finding Common Ground

The seventh graders were going crazy in the hallway. Twelve of them were jumping up and down the stairs, running, hitting, pushing, grabbing, and screaming. In the midst of it all, one young man stood out to me. He was taller than the others with a caramel complexion and a gray kufi on his head. Saying, "Where do you all need to be?" in an authoritative voice sent most of the twelve scattering, but he continued relaxing on the stairs.

"And where do you need to be?"

"I'm supposed to be in class, but I'm waiting for somebody."

"Hmmm... Young man, what does that cap on your head mean?"

"Uhhh... well it is for my religion. It's supposed to set me apart."

"I'm glad you said that. I knew what your cap represented before I asked you because it does set you apart. I can relate. I also wear a reminder of my faith and I know what it means to hold yourself to a higher standard. It means that even if every other person in this school isn't doing what they're supposed to be, you and I have to have higher expectations for ourselves and do what's right because that is what we have chosen. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can. I'll go to class."

Forty-five seconds after the our conversation began, the young man turned around and walked straight to his class.

This happened two weeks ago. On Wednesday, I was walking down the hallway with a large, heavy bag of papers to grade. This young man saw me and offered to help carry my things to the car.

Conversations like ours build respect and understanding. They are what can truly mold a young person's character. I am thankful for my faith and the expectation it places on me to live my life according to high standards, God's standards. I am grateful for other people of faith and how we can hold each other accountable when we are weak.

On leaving this world early

G has always been one of my favorite students in the building. Last year I would stop by and talk with his group of friends while they waited for their after-school program to start. They are a small, close-knit, loving group of friends and they warmly welcomed me as a brand-new teacher to their middle school world.

Today the social worker asks me to interpret for a visit to his home and I immediately accept. But first, they say, we need to have a meeting with all of his teachers together.

At this meeting they tell me that G will be coming back to school on Tuesday after being absent for almost two months due to health concerns. Then they say that his life expectancy is less than a month and they don't expect him to live to his next birthday. They help us to come up with a plan for our classes in the event that he passes away during our class. He, they inform us, does not yet know that he is dying.

It is all so sudden. I am not expecting this. It is deeply poignant to hear that a child is dying. My heart clenches up and for a moment I cannot feel anything except shock. When I recover from this, I am still speechless as the meeting progresses.

An hour later a substitute is covering my class and I am in the home with G and his mother. I see the look of sadness on her face. I see her trying to be strong, knowing that she is privy to information she must share with him, but perhaps not feeling confident that she is capable of telling him.

Death.

I have no concerns about G's eternal welfare. He is one of the most sincere, consistent, caring, and loving children I have met. I feel peace, yes, but also a profound sadness. I'm sad that the earth will no longer have this beautiful soul that we so desperately need.

So just as Jesus when Lazarus died, I am weeping. I know that this weeping will not last forever and it certainly will not overpower my hope in the Resurrection, but in honor of a beautiful child and what he adds to the world, I weep.

For an inspiring, hopeful treatment of death, please read this talk titled "He is Risen!" by President Thomas S. Monson.

Thank you

Today a student was struggling to put his answer on paper. He knew the answer. I knew that he knew it. He knew that he knew it. But he just could not commit to it enough to write it, even in pencil, on his paper. I knew that he wanted to write it and move on; he just needed that extra push.

My natural inclination:  "You have ten seconds to write an answer down on your paper."

You taught me that my natural inclination can be bossy and off-putting.

Thanks to you, I paused before speaking. "You have the answer inside of you. I can tell. Why don't you write down your best guess?"

A softer touch was what he needed.

Waiting in a Supermarket Line: Lessons on Leadership

Last week I was in the mood for asparagus pizza (thanks, Lynne!) and decided to stop by Safeway on my way home from a long day of work to pick up some mozzarella cheese, the only ingredient I was missing.

It was right after work so all of the lines were long as people stopped by the store on their way home from work. I was the fourth person in my line. Everything seemed fine until the woman who was ringing up her groceries got to paying for them. She started complaining to prove a point to her son:

• The cashier had charged her 98 cents a pound for something that was supposed to be 95 cents
• The price of an item was not what she had expected. Wasn't it on sale?
• How could that possibly not be included on her stamps?
• She couldn't find her cash
• She wanted paper and not plastic bags
• How much of a gas bonus was she going to receive? (Cashier: You can see that on the receipt. Woman: I want you to show it to me on the receipt right now.)
• Etc.

As the woman continued on (and on and on and on), I maintained a calm facade and keep trying to assure myself that this was not much of an inconvenience and in the long run of my day, this would be only a few minutes of delay. However, on the inside there was a festering annoyance with the woman, yes, but almost more with the cashier than anyone else.

My thoughts over the ten minutes went something like this: Why was he letting her continue on like this? Can't he he can see that the store is crowded, the line is long, and we have been waiting for here for ten minutes? Why doesn't he call the manager to come deal with her? I know that he is being patient with her, but he is being too patient. She is clearly taking advantage of him. He is being too nice, too calm. He needs to speak to her in a firm voice and get this situation under control. He is clearly new. Would someone say something to her? How did I get stuck in this guy's line?

My friendly neighborhood Safeway

These thoughts were probably overly-dramatic for the situation, but they did teach me something important. My last thought was: Wow. Now I understand what my students want in a leader and in a teacher.

I didn't want the cashier to disrespect the woman, but I certainly wanted him to rein her in. I realized that after working in an urban environment I had started to have a different outlook on patience and kindness. I have realized that sometimes the truly loving thing to do is to speak to someone directly and not allow them to walk all over you. When you are responsible for a group of people (children in my case) you must not allow the whims of one person ruin the experience of the rest.

It took an experience like this for me to actually empathize with my students. For me to feel what it is that they want and need.

That is what my students had wanted all along. They want to learn and they want to be protected from those who selfishly take advantage of the kindness others and disrupt the learning environment.

My students want a strong leader who is willing to take charge and get things done. They may protest like all children do, but they really like to be told what to do and they like to receive consequences, good and bad, for their actions.

And they don't want to hear in a soft tone: "Could you please sit down?" They want: "Sit down, get your paper and a pencil out and begin working on the activity. Now."

They want someone who loves them enough to set a clear boundary. They want someone who loves them enough that they will not allow failure or disrespect or laziness even be an option.

I am certain that this was a learning experience provided by a loving Heavenly Farther who knew that Ms. K was looking for ways to better understand her students and how to serve them.

Notorius vs. Biggie

After I show my class part of the music video of "Mo money, mo problems" during a discussion of scatter plots and independent versus dependent variables:

Student 1: "That's a good song. Too bad Biggie died."

Student 2: "Biggie died?"

The whole class turns around, shocked, and stares at student 2.

Student 2: "What? I knew Notorius died but not Biggie."

The whole class erupts in laughter.

Student 2: "What?!"

Student 1: "Notorius is Biggie!" 


Another perfect example of the difference between TMMS and my hometown.